you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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