Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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