If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
