I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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