I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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