We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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