Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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