glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
