so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
