Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
