She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
