i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
