yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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