i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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