By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
