I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
