I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
