Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
