We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
