Umm I'm too high to move.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The air was thick with penises
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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