i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
