He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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