He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
