I wanna passion pit in your ass
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
