Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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