Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
