he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
