White coat. Heels.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
