haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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