Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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