I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
