No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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