Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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