I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
