There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
