It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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