Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
okay pat passed out under dana's car
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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