Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
