you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
