I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
