So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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