can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
