Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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