I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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