margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
