Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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