Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
