Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
