When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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