Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
