Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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