I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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