thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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