Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
