Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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