Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
smell my finger.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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