Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
